A new cocoon for “Butterfly” Vanessa Hudgens built from items from her Disney virtual dressing room
It’s hard not to feel somewhat sorry for Vanessa Hudgens who very embarrassingly had a nude picture of herself, aimed for megabeau Zac Efron, leak out onto the Internet. Oops. It sounds like more than just love has erupted at the Lava Springs gated golf community. She just became the biggest of the megastars from HSM. Can her career survive?
From the looks of the (sanitized) picture below, in which we have dressed her up properly with elements from her Disney virtual dressing room, this is indeed a self portrait, so Zac is probably happy that he hasn’t been implicated in the sweet siren’s sting. Note the white glow that would make it seem like she propped the camera up on her TV and used the self-timer. She is clearly five steps ahead of most of the rest of world in being able to use this function, so she should be able to follow the advice given to her in this post.
Okay, Vanessa, listen up. Our society is on the verge of a major change where there will be so many pictures taken of us that it won’t matter if some silly, little bedroom shot taken in the nude leaks onto the Internet. Americans will eventually get bored of it and move on to other things—probably booze. But, unfortunately for you, we are not there yet. You have personally taken it upon yourself to start spinning the cocoon around our lazy society. Here’s what you have to do now.
First off, you may already be twelve steps ahead of everyone else and actually leaked the photo on purpose because you wanted to get the best of Disney and escape the Mouse Club Curse. If this is the case, you can stop reading now and come work here at Rapidsea. We’ll need your insights. You’re lucky because the only way Zac Efron is going to escape the Curse is if he sends a dirty picture following up on this situation:
We will have further advice for you if this happens.
What you have to do now, and I know this will sound ironic, is to wear this shame and turn it into a badge of honor. Smile. Say nothing. When people ask if you were fired from Disney, say, “I have ended my collaboration with Disney.” Then when you know that you’re not being filmed or recorded, make comments like, “I’m hot, huh?” and then deny you ever said these things. This is your transition moment. Like young men in Vanuatu, you have just tied an unsafe vine around your ankle and bungeed your way off the Hollywood sign. Don’t hit the ground!
You’re better off not being with Disney. Maybe you even read my post on the pool party at High School Musical 2’s old website, which has since been terrascaped into a disgusting gated and perfectly manicured desert golf course with only the edge of the pool showing. The new site sucks worse than the old one, and I find it appalling that Disney is already establishing for its young viewers images of the good life to help guide future adult real estate buyers towards golf real estate. Gated communities suck. Vanessa, our Butterfly, flee now. You are better than this corporation.
In my post on High School Musical 2, I thought that I had written about enough pool party scandal to make me feel like I had done my duty to man. But ultimately behind the facade of the vast agglomeration of ecosystem-changing pools in the desert locked behind stupid gates, Vanessa, the former Disney Butterfly, has cocooned once again. Thanks for showing that underneath the sailboat cap, you’re just human like us. This is no place for a woman like you:
And for the rest of you, be sure to go to Disney’s DxD site and answer the poll: “Where have you been soaked by sprinklers? Golf course, City park, Ball field, or Backyard.” Maybe we’ll have our own poll here: “Were you wearing white? Yes. No.”
On a side note to Vanessa, you may want to hide the bottled water next time you take a self-portrait. You might not just be violating Disney’s public service recommendations, but you could also lose the support of the neo-nudists if they see you polluting their beaches with that fish-killing plastic. See my post on Disney keeping the oceans clean.
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Posted on September 8, 2007
Filed Under Butterflies, Gossip, Hollywood |
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